I went to see an advance screening of Precious tonight. Lee Daniels (the director) and Paula Patton (the actress who plays the influential teacher) were there to do a Q&A afterwards. The screening was for teachers and youth workers in particular, and it was at the E Street Cinema downtown (which is my fave movie theatre).

Man, I don't even know what to say.

I want everyone I have ever known to see this movie. The kids I work with, my kids, live this movie or something like it every single day. One of my girls in particular leads a life scarily parallel to Precious's. Their strength and courage is unimaginable to me. I don't know where it comes from, their resilience. I know I could never do what they do just by facing life every day.

I want to make a big soapbox post about this movie and the issues it addresses and working with "troubled youth" and my feelings, but I don't want to be soppy or sound patronizing and also it is late. I do want people who've seen the movie (or read the book Push, which it's based on) to come talk to me about it, though. I really want to process but I am just so speechless.


SO INSTEAD I will ask if anyone knows if there is a Big Bang Theory episode download community? :D I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. You can drop me an email or something if you don't want to comment. lucifee @ gmail dot com

WHAT. THE FUCK. IS WRONG. WITH THE PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE.

( I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN, HERE. )

THERE IS A HANDFUL OF MAGNUMS IN. THE. KITCHEN. DRAWER. WHY??? WHY ON EARTH? IS THIS A J-SQUARED FIC OR SOMETHING AND I WAS NOT NOTIFIED?

The Jesus and the Thinspiration quote used to be on the refrigerator, but I took them down my second week here and shoved them in the drawer because I could not bear to look at them. NOW THEY APPARENTLY HAVE SOME HILARIOUS COMPANY.

TAKING BETS ON WTF IS GOING ON HERE!!! PLEASE ADVISE. THERE ARE A BILLION MEAT-WRAPPING JOKES THAT NEED TO BE MADE.

In other news, I am eating a bowl of tater tots and have an enormous smear of hickey bruises on my neck. I am all class tonight, guys.

I honestly don't have all that much to say this week because lazy_daze and I just got back from a fetish/lifestyle club with my sister and I had RATHER A LOT of rum and Coke and am very tired! It was an awesome night.

SO YEAH. THE EPISODE.

( 5.06! )

I should make a post about the interesting thoughts I had at the club, but I think I will combine them with my previous experience I was going to post about and make like. One big conglomerate post.

Everyone should go read j2_remix fics! It opened today, and there is some awesome stuff there. I haven't had a chance to read the one remixed for me, though I posted mine early this afternoon. I'll have time to read once I get back home this weekend, I'm sure! Which is good (ALSO I AM GETTING A RAT!) but mostly I don't want to go back home because that means going back to work. :(

Title: If She Seems As Lonely As Me, Let Her Sink (The First Love Remix)
Author: balefully
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,800
Disclaimer: A product of my fevered imagination.

Summary: Jared figures out he's gay and decides he'll just put his romantic life on hold until he makes it big. But then he meets Jensen, and a wrench gets thrown in the works.

Notes: Written for j2_remix. I was assigned the inimitable chash (i.e. longsufferingly), and spent about eighty years just going through her enormous catalogue of fic to pick one for remixing. I cannot TELL you how difficult it is to remix an author as amazing as she is. It has been a humbling experience. I settled on If She Seems As Lonely As Me, Let Her Sink, and decided to do a prequel of sorts. Thanks so much to rivers_bend for the beta!

(  Jared is sitting on Alexis Bledel's couch when he realizes he's gay. )

Hello, world. odsgndkjlfgj I meant to post last week before 5.03 to keep up my promise to post more, but I didn't. This getting back into the posting groove thing is hard! I will do it in numbered steps for easy access. And how we all love easy access...

1) COME PARTICIPATE IN spn_j2_xmas, EVERYONE! I have been meaning to pimp this for a while, but no posting = no pimping! Anyway, I am helping to mod it this year, so come sign up and give me lots of work to do <333! I hope we can beat last year's number! That would be awesome! I know it's hard to think up prompts, but remember, if you can't think of anything specific you want, you don't have to make prompts! You can just talk about the general things you like and dislike and the person writing your gift could surprise you. As Colin Ford would say on his twitter, fun fun!

2) Speaking of Colin Ford's Twitter! AMAZING. He is so adorable I am possibly going to explode. Also he posted ( this amazing picture ) which I have seen around. OH MAN. MAKES MY TEETH HURT! :D!

3) I want to rec an AMAZING SAM/DEAN VID I saw recently! In Your Room, by bionic, to the song by Depeche Mode. Really well edited, I thought, plus I really love the song and it worked well and had a great mood.

4) I have gotten a bunch of STUFF lately! I am sure you care deeply, but I feel like taking pictures anyway. I also did that HANDWRITING MEME, crazy I know! I never do memes ever! But I got tagged and I felt like it, so. :D!

( Writing and purses and earrings and a book! )

5) Posting that picture of my earrings (earring, really...) reminds me that I AM SO FED UP WITH MY HAIR. I have been meaning to dye it for MONTHS now, but I have not had the cash to get it done professionally, and I am scared of doing it myself. Plus it was super-short and now I am DYING for it to be long again, so it is in that horrible shapeless awkward mid-length stage that I HATE. UGH SO FRUSTRATED WITH IT. FUCK OFF, HAIR.

6) I am also frustrated and annoyed at my roommates yet again. >:( There is this creepy old guy who lives in my basement, and I have to go down there to do my laundry. That's annoying because it means I can't do my laundry at 3 AM when I most enjoy doing it, but it also means I have to see the creepy old guy when I do go down there. And I CAUGHT HIM SMOKING DOWN THERE THE OTHER DAY!!!! Which explains why sometimes my room suddenly FILLS with the smell of cigarette smoke at random times of the day. I think it's because Frank-in-the-basement lights up down there and then it goes up the vents straight into my room. DO. NOT. WANT. I am totally cool with him smoking outside, we even have a patio thingy he could use! But there are no smoking signs ALL OVER THIS HOUSE, the owner specifically says we are not to smoke inside, and I don't think it's fair that when he disobeys, I am the one who suffers. D: I am so not into confrontation, though. I am scared to tell him I know he's smoking when he isn't supposed to.

7) Also in RL news, I found a whole stack of old Pokemon card theme decks when I was moving. I KNOW, I KNOW, I WAS A COMPLETE AND UTTER UNBEARABLE DORK AS A CHILD! ("Only as a child?" I hear you say...) However, it is going to SERVE ME WELL. Because I looked them up online and EACH BOX GOES FOR $80 NOW!! Apparently I have a really rare run of cards because I bought them right when they first came out a billion years ago. :O! EXCITING! So now I have to figure out how to use Ebay so I can sell them and get that money. Oh man, I have FIVE DECKS OF THEM, so that is a nice chunk of change! \o/! I also have some nice unused sheet sets still in the packages I can sell, and an old duvet and stuff. Who knows when I will actually find the time to get this stuff sold, though.

8) I went to a play party with nicotinedesire last weekend that I really want to make a post about! I think I may do that. It was REALLY INTERESTING. I am looking forward to going to another one and getting to know the people in the DC scene. :D! I enjoyed myself immensely even though I was mostly just wandering around staring at people. I also did a lot of thinking about fic and blindfold_spn. HAH.

9) I have trypophobia to some degree (I am disgusted by clusters of holes!), and the other day I saw ( this picture )
on my flist and OH GOD IT MADE MY SCALP TINGLE SO BAD. :(( I know it's just a necklace but IT LOOKS LIKE HOLES IN HER FLESH, OKAY? The whole point of the ad is totally lost on me because all I can think about is how much it reminds me of (DON'T CLICK THIS LINK, IT IS DISGUSTING) Lotus Breast and how SCARRED FOR LIFE I was by that. UGH I AM SHIVERY ALL OVER RIGHT NOW BLECK BLECK BLECK GROSSSSSS.

10) To end on a POSITIVE NOTE: OH MY GOD I KNOW EVERYONE HAS SAID IT ALREADY BUT I FUCKING LOVE GLEE!!! SO AMAZING. I can't even pick out my favourite character because I love them all so much. KURT MADE ME CRY A LOT. *_*! Also oadisngskfhd Zachariah basically being Zachariah on it sdoihndfkh was pretty bad-ass. :D!

So when I was on the metro home today, an ANGEL TRIED TO SPEAK TO US. AHAHA. I mean, okay, actually it was just the most horrifying feedback I've ever heard in my life, but it was seriously SO BAD that it made my entire head ring and I could feel my eardrums vibrating and I thought I'd go INSANE if it lasted ONE MOMENT LONGER. Everyone in my car was crouched down in their seats with their hands over their ears, and I was so hilariously prepared for the windows to shatter in, I am not even kidding, ahaha.

I have had a VERY EVENTFUL SEVERAL DAYS. Not anything particularly exciting, just a million different things going on and no time to actually finish anything that needs to get done. I went over to rewatch 501 with auroradream on Friday night! WHICH actually came at a really great time, because my crazy Kenyan roommate, Dennis, wanted me to go to the airport to pick up his friend. I do not know Dennis, and also he probably stole my cake flour, and I REALLY do not know his strange friend, and also there are only two seats in my car due to the stuff I am storing in the back and just. Yeah. No. Like hell I'm going to let Dennis drive my car. THAT WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. But I didn't want to be mean and just laugh in his face, so I was just like. I AM NOT GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT WHOOPS SORRY. Luckily, I then actually was not here! YAY.

SO during my rewatch, I had ( Some more thoughts! )

I don't think I mentioned it, but on Thursday I also watched ( The Vampire Diaries! )

So anyway! Then on Saturday I spent the day with my girl beckaandzac at the mall. She got a gorgeous dress for the WinCon Prom, and I tried on a bunch of clothes for the hell of it and pined because I have no money and can't afford to buy myself FOOD, let alone clothes I don't technically need in order to survive. AND YET! I then proceeded to buy myself a new duvet and duvet cover and pillow shams sodgindkfh because I have been desperately been needing them ever since I moved in. The disgusting comforter that came on the bed was DEPRESSING ME. I was SAD EVERY DAY BECAUSE IT WAS SO GROSS. I think I deserved some new bedding. :( Man, I love bedding. I wish it weren't so heinously expensive, though! Luckily Macy's was having their One Day Sale so I got the king-sized down duvet for $41 (!!!!!!) and the sheet/cover set for $70. They are AMAZING. Not fancy or all that interesting, but infinitely better than the old crap. I should take pictures, but there are piles of junk on my bed right now because I am trying to finish unpacking.

I DO HAVE A QUESTION, THOUGH! A semantics question. What do you call the down thing you put on a bed that you sleep under and snuggle up in?

Poll #1457672 That Thing On Your Bed!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 81

What do you call something that is down-filled that you put on your bed, usually not with a flat sheet, but instead with a cover of some sort? Please pick the word you are MOST LIKELY to use.

Please elaborate if "other" was your answer.

What do you call the cover you put over the down-filled thing on your bed?

Please elaborate if "other" was your answer.

I think I have deduced that Americans Are Weird, as usual, and do not call them a duvet and duvet cover like everyone else in the world.

SO YEAH. ANYWAY. Becka and I went to have sushi with her friends, which was SO YUMMY, and then we came back to my place to put my new bedding on my bed and give it a go. :D I have this crazy anal attitude towards my bedding, though, where I always want it to be TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY SPOTLESSLY CLEAN. Like, I wanted to wash the new stuff and the fitted sheet and pillowcases I already had so I could put it all on clean. I make people wash their feet before getting in my bed. Nothing can touch the underside of the duvet or the fitted sheet that is not sleepwear. I AM JUST PARTICULAR, OKAY. :(( Does anybody else have weirdo crazy idiosyncratic crap like that?? AM I ALONE IN THE WORLD? TELL ME YOU REFUSE TO TAKE A SHOWER WITHOUT PUTTING A TOWEL OVER THE MIRROR OR THAT YOU CAN'T DRIVE YOUR CAR WITHOUT TAKING YOUR SHOES OFF FIRST OR THAT YOU SOAK YOUR FLIP-FLOPS IN SOAPY WATER AFTER YOU GET HOME FROM WORK, PLEASE? (Those are not all things that I do, but I know people who do them!)

Anyway. So it was all very well and good until there was a knock on the door at SEVEN AM on Sunday morning. And we were like WTF? And it turned out to be Dennis's Kenyan friend he'd wanted me to go pick up on Friday, BARGING INTO OUR PEACEFUL SLUMBER. :( LAME. I had no idea who he was or anything, and Becka and I were like o.O??? as he asked me plaintively if I could drive Dennis's rental car back to where they got it, because he (Dennis's friend) was STILL DRUNK and could not do it himself. So because I am TRULY A SAINT, Becka and I ended up tumbling out of bed at an unholy hour and driving to the mall and sitting around on the sidewalk for half an hour while Dennis's friend disappeared and was basically just batshit crazy. We all had to take a cab back to my house, and Dennis's friend said he'd take us to breakfast to repay us, which was very nice. So I drove us to breakfast in my car after having to put the back seat back up, and we finally found out Dennis's friend's name and had lots of awkward conversation over our omelettes. :/ YEAH, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. We got back at like 10 AM and Becka and I spent the rest of the day in bed. HAH. TAKE THAT, WORLD. I REFUSE TO BE PRODUCTIVE WHEN I HAVE TO GET UP AT 7 AM ON A SUNDAY. It's just wrong.

Also, :(( Patrick Swayze. RIP, man. RIP.

OH GOD. I definitely just lost EVERYTHING I have done so far on my j2_remix. I do not know what possessed me to write entirely in WordPad and also not save anything. :/ WTF IS GOING ON IN MY BRAIN. So my computer magically restarted overnight and I lost it all. oasdinglskh that will teach me to be completely irrational! SIGH. BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD, I SUPPOSE. It was just a fleshed-out outline, really, so I guess it could've been worse. Still, blargh. That is so disheartening, and it is going to be ten thousand times harder to start again, now.

IN OTHER NEWS! NEW LAYOUT! Oh my god it is so pretty I have actually been regularly reading my flist and was inspired to POST just so I can LOOK AT IT MOAR. I had the same obnoxious LJ layout for like. Five years? Something like that. Possibly longer. I've had this LJ for eight, and the majority of that time was the white/black/red Christian Bale layout. Anyway. I have been wanting a change for a LONG time now, I was just way too lazy to ever do it myself. I had to have my hand held and get somebody else to just DO IT FOR ME for it to actually happen. <333! Also, lolz Dead and Gone. It started as a joke but I actually sort of love it. OH AND I updated my userinfo, finally. Haha. Man, I am such a slacker, it amazes even me.

balefully: I am watching a Charo performance and she matches it perfectly. Her skin is the exactly same colour as the swirly background. sdipgnsg It's an omen.
valiant: sfjsdklsfjs that... is... horrifying
balefully: NO! She was awesome when she was young. She was a child prodigy!
valiant: so was your layout!
balefully: dtfgyhjk
utcyfdxctvyguhjlk
scream

I was going to ask if anyone knew of some good SPN moodthemes I could have a look at to pick one out to go with my new layout, but I think I decided I want to upload this Christian Bale one I have. I feel bad now that he's not on my actual journal anymore! He will just live on elsewhere.

So yeah. Unrelatedly, I also REALLY wanted to post pictures of my new townhouse! But I haven't actually finished unpacking yet. :/ Er. So. That has not happened. I WILL DO IT, I PROMISE. SORRY. I will say, however, that though the place is nice and my bed is huge, the giganto flat-screen TV downstairs can just go SUCK IT. It's all fucked up! There is this weird red snowy stuff that shows up in black spaces, which is just fine when I'm watching something bright like Gilmore Girls, but which is HORRIFYING and un-ignorable when I'm watching SPN, where the screen is pretty much entirely black all the time. WEEP. I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THAT DAMN TV. :( At least I have another one in my room, even if it is not as big or flat.

ALSO ONE OF MY ROOMMATES STOLE MY CAKE FLOUR. Who the fuck steals cake flour. :( IDEK, man. This is a rough town. Not that I was actually going to bake a cake with it, but it's the principle of the thing! Sigh. I really do need to cook more, though. I am so out of practice. I've been eating out WAY too much, which is both horrible for my bank account and for my steadily increasing weight. NO GOOD. I may possibly have eaten an ENTIRE JAR OF APPLESAUCE, straight out of the jar itself, just the other night. I also had to cook all the bacon I had before it went bad, which does not bode well. I mean. A WHOLE HUNK OF COOKED BACON JUST CHILLIN' RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME WHENEVER I OPEN THE FRIDGE! That is not going to last long.

Another food-ish observation (well, beverage): DIET COKE OUT OF CANS IS TOO MUCH CARBONATION. I don't know if I've just been getting bad batches lately, but this never used to bother me, and now suddenly I am like >:( whenever I try and drink a can of Diet Coke. WHY SO MUCH CARBON DIOXIDE IN THERE, COCA COLA COMPANY? Do not want. It makes it hard to swallow and it tastes more bitter and is not thirst-quenching even when it's cold. I am forced to pour it into a glass. PRECIOUS SECONDS I COULD BE SPENDING DOING SOMETHING USEFUL. Or watching horrifying TLC shock programming that makes me want to die yet which I can't seem to pry myself away from.

I am seriously all over the place in this post, I don't even know. I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THERE IS NEW SPN TOMORROW. I may possibly pass out before it actually gets to be 9 PM. I am not at all sure what to expect, and I don't know how to feel, and I am just. I DON'T KNOW. Jittery and nauseated! PLEASE, SPN. PLEASE DON'T LET ME DOWN. PLEASE. I WILL PAY YOU MONEY.

Lastly, I have sodingsdkg sort of maybe started dating this neat-o girl, beckaandzac, whom SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW. :D! She is awesome and things are good and IDK IDK I am not really much of a kiss-and-tell-er, so. osidngkmdh. Yeah. :"> There's that.

OH I LIED that is not the last thing. The last thing is that OMG GLEE TONIGHT!! YAY! Also I am working on some more fic, besides my j2_remix, so yes! I AM GETTING MORE INVOLVED IN FANDOM IF IT KILLS ME. I am going to start reading my flist all the time again, and actually COMMENTING and READING FIC and MAKING RECS and LOVING ON YOU ALL AS MUCH AS YOU OBVIOUSLY DESERVE <333! ...I hope.

OMG TODAY IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY! Because it is the day the world gave us lazy_daze!

<3333333333333!

MY LOVE FOR YOU KNOWS NO BOUNDS, BUTTHOLE! And I am sure you know it, but birthdays are always a lovely time to repeat it. You are amazing and make me laugh every day and I miss you so much it is STUPID! I cannot fucking WAIT until October. It will be constant laughter and funtimes and feel like we have never been apart, I'm sure.

MWAH!

Your presents are forthcoming! You won't get the tangible one(s!) until I see you, but hopefully the intangible one will come sooner. You never know, with me. :">!

ANYWAY.


ILU, SAM!

Title: Fill My Little World Right Up
Author: balefully
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Words: 6,830
Disclaimer: All a product of my fevered imagination.

Warnings: JUST DON'T READ THIS. AT ALL. NOBODY. EVER. It involves D/s and enemas and watersports and petification and impregnation kink and itufghj. Oh god, kill me now.

Summary: There is just. So much disgusting porn. I am mortified I'm even posting it. It is VERY IMPORTANT TO NOTE that this is from an existing universe where Jared and Jensen are in a pre-established D/s relationship involving pseudo-puppyplay. So if anything doesn't make any sense, that's probably why. :< In this universe (which is technically non-AU), Jensen is Jared's puppy, Jared likes to take care of him, and Jensen wars with feeling like he is bad and sick and wrong for loving it. This fic is a whole lot of grossness and a whole lot of schmoop and pretty much nothing anyone would ever want to read.

Notes: OMG valiant, I LOVE YOU. Words cannot express it. :3!! This is entirely for Edie, and I cannot believe I finally finished it. And that it is almost 7,000 words. Weep. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, SHORTY. I was going to post it at blindfold_spn so I could get it out there and yet not have my name attached, but it's really too long for that. Also that's cheating, since I've been working on this for months and months and months. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME OH GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM POSTING THIS. Thanks to beckaandzac for the last-minute tweaks!

( The boxes start coming on a Wednesday. )

I feel like all I ever post about these days is how I haven't posted in SO LONG, and how I promise to be better. But then fail. SIGH.

I am smack dab in the middle of moving! I spent all weekend packing and unpacking, and even enlisted beckaandzac (Did I ever make a post about how Becka and sadcypress and chash and I had a meetup at Jay's Saloon -- obviously owned by Jared, we decided -- and constructed an elaborate crack AU set there? And that Becka and I also met up with lizardspots and kerryblaze and kaalee and had a lovely but hot and humid morning/afternoon in downtown DC? I DON'T THINK I DID! I SHOULD HAVE! IT WAS ALL AMAZING!) to carry way too many boxes that were way too heavy. (PEE ESS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BB!)

ANYWAY. I was hoping to be done with it all by tonight, but I LOCKED MY NEW KEYS IN MY NEW ROOM IN MY NEW TOWNHOUSE. :< No good at all. I feel completely stupid and ridiculous and I am so, so embarrassed about emailing/calling my property manager to come unlock my room for me. UGH. WHY DID I DO THAT. I was even standing there at the door for a minute or two while I was carrying the boxes that needed to be taken out when I left, and I was like, should I put these boxes down and go check in the room to make sure I have my key before I leave? NAH. I'M SURE I HAVE IT IN MY BAG. Oh, how wrong I was. It must be sitting on one of my new dressers or shelves. WEEP. GOD. HOW STUPID AM I.


In MUCH, MUCH better news! pandarus is AMAZING and recorded a truly brilliant podfic of The Last of the Romantics, the J-squared AU I wrote based on the film Sabrina. It was for Sweet Charity last year! pandarus has an English accent, and while I understand that it's not considered the best accent for recording SPN fic or RPS, it is NOTHING LESS THAN PERFECT for recording this particular fic, as London is practically a third character, and there are British supporting cast members, and a lot of who Jared becomes is informed by his time in England. ANYWAY. IT IS STUNNING. Her rendition makes my writing eighty billion times better. Not that that's saying much. <333! POINT IS: YOU ARE AWESOME, pandarus!


Also good news: IT'S HERE!

The SPN Anonymous Kink Meme
blindfold_spn

Round Two: Blind Faith

Come play with us! There are already like TEN PAGES OF PROMPTS and a good few fics! Get down and dirty, babies. Pimp far and wide!