OH MAN. HAY ALL. I have not posted since I made my Big Bang entry! I'm so sorry I've been slack, but thank you SO MUCH for all the nice things y'all have said about it. :D! I always answer all my fic comments, but holy crap, the last week has been SO STUPIDLY HECTIC! My kids at work had their end-of-year extravaganza thing that of course I ended up doing WAAAY more than my fair share of work for. Plus I have had some AWESOME FICS TO BETA!

I am currently on a charter bus to Atlanta with all the kids, though, so I can't post links (I'm writing this entry on my phone). Please go check out valiant's delicious and atmospheric John/Jo fic and also mediaville's hilarious and moving J-squared fic. I wish it were easier for me to gush about them now!

We are currently pulled over in our charter bus, actually. Apparently our driver was speeding and the State Trooper who stopped us is the slowest-moving cop on the planet. ALSO OMFG. We are parked on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere somewhere around Charlotte, North Carolina, and what are we parked right in front of but THE WOODSHED LOUNGE. A GAY LEATHER BAR. AHAHAHAHAHA BEST PLACE EVER FOR ME TO WIND UP WITH MY KIDS!! I totally taught them what a leather bar is and what the flag looks like ahahaha.

ANYWAY. So I won't have my computer for a week while I am on this trip, but I will have my phone! You should all text or email to entertain me on the long drives/rides/flights, because I am needy and clingy like that!

Need sleep so bad. :( I have slept like five hours in three days.

Oh, also, so I heard that Jensen has to move out because he and Jared keep each other up too late INDEED BOYS. I think I need to hear theories about what they get up to so late at night after those beers. ;)! What else have I missed??

Title: We Flow Together (Once and Forever)
Author: balefully
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Words: 35,300

Summary: As a child, Jensen Ackles was saved from drowning by a mysterious boy who appeared from the depths off the coast of Cape Cod. Now a grown man, Jensen is an actor in New York City, living off a trust fund from his parents, and convinced he's incapable of true love. One fateful night finds him back in Cape Cod after a raucous party gone wrong, fighting for his life as he sinks beneath the waves. Yet again, he's saved from a watery grave—this time by a naked man, seemingly mute and more beautiful than anyone Jensen's ever seen. The stranger decides to call himself Jared, and as he and Jensen spend time together, learning each other body and soul, Jensen finds that his own capacity for love is as boundless as the ocean.

Jensen's world comes crashing down around him when he discovers the origin of Jared's strange naiveté and lack of inhibitions—he's a mermaid, fins and all. After Jared is abducted by researchers who subject him to cruel tests, Jensen must make a crucial decision: will he risk everything to finally find true love—with a fish—or will Jared be the one that got away?

Disclaimer: Based on Splash, the 1984 Touchstone film starring Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah. I own nothing; this is all a figment of my fevered imagination.

Notes: Written for spn_j2_bigbang. Infinite thanks to everyone who listened to me bitch and moan and especially those who were cheering me on right down to the wire. You know who you are. Biggest beta thanks to rivers_bend, valiant, and mediaville. Lots more love and acknowledgements in the Author's Notes at the end!

Art by cathybites


( We Flow Together (Once and Forever) )

SO HOLY CRAP. I do not think I have mentioned this yet but MY BIG BANG POSTING DATE IS THE EIGHTH OF JUNE. As in, THE VERY FIRST DAY! Which is amazing because it means I can get it done and dusted and concentrate on a) life and b) betaing for other people, but like. HOLY SHIT THAT IS 11 DAYS AWAY. I am working my poor typey fingers to the bone. And also completely neglecting my real work that I should be doing. Writing fic on my office computer is probably not such a hot idea. I decided to leave the porn editing and insertion (ahaha) for last for this reason, ahaha :/ WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO GET THIS OUT. Why. :( As Dorothy Parker said (and someone on my flist recently quoted), "I hate writing. I like having written." AMEN, DOROTHY. AMEN.

ANYWAY. Speaking of the office! I recently got a new sort of part-time placement at a Planned Parenthood teen center out in Ward 7. I am super happy about it, and I really love the kids I've met there so far, and I am psyched to do all the clinical stuff I'll get to do with the health center connected to the program center. I wish I could just work there completely and ignore the lame other job that is boring and no good 90% of the time, but hey, I gotta do what Americorps tells me. APPARENTLY Americorps has some sort of stipulation where you cannot be involved with anything related to abortion services, including referrals and pre- and post-abortion counseling, which I think is the most dumbfuck regulation EVER, because Americorps is a federal program, and abortion is LEGAL, so. Why the hell would we not be allowed to be involved in even COUNSELING? Like. That is ridiculous. So I am just going to do it anyway, because I am working at a fucking PLANNED PARENTHOOD and if one of my girls asks me about it, I'm not going to say SORRY, BABE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT CRAP! I'm just not. That is wrong in every way. Ugh, life.

At least my Americorps co-workers are awesome people. The one dude (We use to have more! What happened to them all?) had a Memorial Day BBQ at his place in NE, and though I got stalked by a gross loser in an SUV who shouted at me the whole walk there from the metro, I had an AWESOME TIME and did things I really should not have done and sent about a billion unintelligible texts. At some point I am going to need to rewatch Pineapple Express, because I have no idea WTF happened in it, though I technically saw the whole thing, and also I was convinced Alona Tal was in it at the time, which of course she was not.

Also work-related, I am going on a big ol' trip to Georgia and Louisiana with my kids! It is all-inclusive since it's for work, which is nice, and also I'll be getting OVER THREE WEEKS worth of service hours. PLUS I think it may even be fun, as long as the kids don't get too crazy. Although it will be sweltering, I'm sure. Mostly I am just happy about the hours and the free food. I expect lots of texts and emails to entertain me while I am computer-less. I WILL HAVE MY PHONE! :D! YOU WILL HAVE TO TELL ME IF JARED AND JENSEN GET MARRIED WHEN I AM NOT PAYING ATTENTION.

Unrelatedly! As he and his impact on Sam and Dean and SPN as a whole are being discussed frequently on my flist these days, can I just say: this is always how I will think of Castiel. Always. I'm sorry, I just. I CAN SEE FOREVER. It looks exactly like him sodginsdogin :3 Don't deny. N'aww, Cass. I have thought this from his very first appearance. KITTYFACE.

Also unrelatedly, I have yet to see the new Terminator, which is VERY BAD OF ME, because sodignsodn my man Christian!! I am usually the FIRST IN LINE to see new Bale movies! But I haven't seen any of the other Terminators, so. I want to watch those first. I never had a desire to see them, but I am willing to sit through them to be rewarded with Christian Bale at the end. Also, LOLZ MCG. He has his hands in all my favourite pots. Supernatural! Christian Bale! SPRING AWAKENING, APPARENTLY! N'aww, McG. You are precious. And also EVIL in my Hercules AU which has yet to be finished. That comes next after Big Bang.

But anyway, on the topic of PRECIOUS. I have been GORGING myself on Dean Forester lately. Not that I ever DON'T, but. sadcypress and I finished season 3 of Gilmore Girls and started season 4. DEAN. DEEEEEAN. And then I came home and read two AWESOME Dean Forester fics.

1) The Last of the True Romantics, by rudhampaiel. I am glad I read this even though the fact that it is called almost the exact same thing as a fic of mine almost put me off, ahaha. MAN IT IS AMAZING. Dean/Rory, with SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL DEAN LIFE AND SOUL AND CHARACTER. He deserves to be his own person, you know? To have his own life and be proud of himself and happy in who he is. And this fic GIVES THAT TO HIM. And Rory REALIZING what she WANTS and just sodignkerhofignkhlfghs oh my god this was just delicious and awkward in a perfect way. SIGH. *_*!

2) Everybody Loves a Happy Ending, by backinblack. Dean/Priestly. I MEAN REALLY. WHERE COULD THIS POSSIBLY GO WRONG. Hilarious and casutic and snarky but secretly sweet and schmoopy. Sexy and awesome. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. You don't have to know anything about Gilmore Girls or Ten Inch Hero to love it, either. :D!

Lastly, oh man, the costume chick on Gilmore Girls must've been on crack:

( LOOK AT THIS TRAVESTY! )

So yeah. That's it. Asylum this weekend! I am excited for reports!

NO NEW SPN. :( Weep. What a sad state of affairs. I find it so amusing that it had to end just when I started really enjoying it this season. Which seems odd, because I definitely remember making happy post-episode squee posts! But just overall I have such a sense of ennui from this season, right up until 21 and 22. It definitely merits a good long marathon rewatch. A lot usually comes out in the wash, looking at it as a big picture like that. ANWAY. I have some random crap to talk about. Like how I MISSED MY EIGHTH LJ-VERSARY. :( I was going to revamp my whole LJ and make it awesome and everything, too. Oh well. Some other time I guess. :/ ON TO THE OTHER RANDOM CRAP:

a) A friend of mine from high school is famous for being a geek. This is not in any way surprising. :D! I went to a geek high school. I bet like half of my graduating class facebook'd her after seeing that news story and asked her for more info about where to get the parts to make their own closet labs.

b) ( Speaking of high school! GLEE!! )

c) I got a haircut a couple weeks ago! And I totally forgot to mention it or picspam or anything. It was dyed super darkest black, but it was growing out so much my roots were just ridiculous. I decided I really wanted to go BLONDE. But of course since my hair was dyed soooo black it was gonna be hard. I didn't want to strip it and totally ruin it, so I went with cutting out as much of the black as possible (IT IS SO FREAKING SHORT NOW. THE LAST TIME IT WAS THIS SHORT, MY AGE WAS A SINGLE DIGIT), then getting all-over highlights to try and lighten the black and then died the roots darker brown so it didn't look blonde on top and dark on the bottom. WHATEVER POINT IS: it was hugely expensive and I think it only looks mediocre. But I was pretty much planning on that. This is just the middle stage before I can go blonde. :D!

( I am sure you do not care about ANY OF THAT, so here is a pic. )

d) THIS is BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING and entertained me for way, way too long.

e) I am in DIRE, DESPERATE NEED of an all-encompassing Ruby vid to Poker Face by Lady Gaga. DIRE. NEED. I heard it properly for the first time a couple days before the finale and was like OH MAN. AMAZING. I seriously instantly thought of Ruby and Sam. And it is EVEN MORE AMAZING after the finale. I want a retrospective of all of season four (and even season three) Ruby and her MANIPULATIONS! GOD. IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT AND COULD BE SO SHARP AND LIVELY AND AWESOMMMMME. For anyone who doesn't know the song:



It will be stuck in your head forever. :( (THERE ARE GREAT DANES IN THAT MUSIC VIDEO! AUTOMATICALLY BEST EVER! *_*)

GOD I WISH I COULD VID.

f) Simple Pleasures, by destina, is like. The sweetest, most amazing, yet REAL first-time J-squared I've read in a long time. It made me all sigh-y and chest clench-y. PERFECT.

g) CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SHERLOCK MOVIE. CANNOT.

"Two brothers fall in love. With each other. Beautiful? Or disgusting?"




OH. MY. FUCKING GOD. OSginslkmrhofindmgkSPOGIMSGPsimdoPSIM:OgksofigmkSPgOMSGPM!!!

I NEED THIS. AND I NEED IT RIGHT THE HELL NOW. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT.

Also that totally made me cry. And I cannot think of ANYTHING BETTER ON THIS PLANET to see so soon before the SPN ep airs tonight.

Oh my GOD.

SOURCE! I owe amissio my LIFE, ahaha. The comments on that post are fascinating, too. It's interesting to see everyone's thoughts, especially since it's something we tend to think about a LOT over in these parts.


ETA:

Teaser Thomas & Francisco


(ERM okay, this was a MySpace video, but it was deleted for some reason? So here's the non-audio YouTube version, instead.)



I THINK I JUST DIED. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH OMFG IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE.

ETA2:

"With a personal narrative, the film is about one unconditional love as a possibility in, as a counterpoint to, a world filled with violence, fear, and intolerance."

OH MAN! It's like someone read the paper about Sam/Dean being subversive because it's HAPPY and not because it's INCEST and decided to base a film on it. :D!

a) SO. Back the other week when I was falling around my house making everything sticky with the sweet touch of margaritas, I watched Touch of Pink, which is an adorable gay romcom that beckaandzac let me borrow. IT WAS AMAZING. First of all, Tracker from the new Degrassi (Sean's older brother) was in it as the adorable gayface love interest. OMFG he was lovely. *_*! It was just really awesome all-around, and was quite good compared to most gay romcoms, writing-wise. For some reason they tend to pretty much all sort of suck? For some sad reason? But this one was genuinely funny and had a good heart. :D! ALTHOUGH I WAS SHITFACED AT THE TIME SO I COULD BE TOTALLY WRONG. And I am sucker for anything set in London these days, as it makes me all warm and nostalgic. So yeah. This movie totally gets a rec from me, though. <3! Anything with Cary Grant as a dashing but flawed Fairy Godmother = mad props forever.

b) I am weirdly obsessed with Dead and Gone, by TI, featuring Justin Timberlake. I had never really listened to hip hop/rap/urban contemporary at ALL before starting my job with the DC kids, and I don't know anything about anything related to it. I really love Chamillionaire and have one of his albums, and of course I've heard lots of Kanye because that's sort of crossover at this point. I knew of 50 Cent because he and Kanye like to buttfuck with their eyes. And that was about the extent of it. ANYWAY, so all my kids listen to hip hop and rap and R&B and urban contemporary and go-go and stuff ALL THE TIME, either online or on the radio, and normally I cannot tell one song from another and have no idea who any of the artists are. I, for example, had to be explicitly taught how to do the "stanky leg" and what, in fact, a "stanky leg" is. THE POINT OF THIS STORY is that I heard some kids playing this really catchy song one Saturday, and I was like HUH that's a nice beat and I like the sound of it! But I didn't really pay attention. Then I was riding in the car with our fitness contractor guy and he was listening to the radio and it came on and I was like sodignsofindfh WOW THIS SONG when I got to hear it all the way through. And I shamefully envisioned how it could be a KICKASS SPN VID. The lyrics were perfect and it would make a great quick-edit emotional The Road So Far type vid, especially contrasting the urban music style with the usual classic rock style of the show. So when I got home I looked up the song on YouTube because I wanted to hear it again. They had the official music video uploaded there, and I was like GREAT. PERFECT. And then I watched it.

IT BASICALLY ALREADY IS A SPN VID. IT COULD BE SHOT-FOR-SHOT REPLICATED USING SPN CLIPS. IT IS RIDICULOUS. THE ROADS, THE CAR, TI AND JUSTIN, THE FIRE, THE OSIGNDOGIN RELIGIOUS IMAGERY AND PRISON AND FIREARMS AND BROKE-DOWN TOWNS AND THE CROSSROADS. IDEK. IT WOULD BE THE BEST/MOST HILARIOUS/MOST APPROPRIATE THING EVER. Here, look:



Awesome. Even the nanosecond of music studio stuff could be approximated, or something of equivalent symbolism could be substituted. IDK I KNOW I'M LAME WHATEVER IT WOULD BE AMAZING. Plus, I dare you listen to it and not get it stuck in your head forever.

c) May 12th is going to be my eighth LJ-versary! I really wanna do a whole LJ overhaul/revamp, but I've had my current layout for a billion years. I'd really like to do something subtle and mostly light colours so I can feel less obtrusive reading it in public places. I also really want a special artsy layout, but I am not that great at html, so I will have to do some digging. Does anyone know of some good comms for customizable/steal-able layouts? I know there's that mintyapple one or whatever. Others?

d) I was on the metro on the way home from work the other day, and there was a guy sitting in front of me who was playing POKEMON. OH MY GOD IT MADE ME SO NOSTALGIC. I came home and dug through everything I own looking for my Pokemon Blue game cartridge for my translucent purple Game Boy Color (SO. CLASSY.) but I couldn't find it. TRAGEDY. So I bought one for $3 on Ebay. I KNOW I KNOW. I AM GOING FOR GOLD IN THE LAME OLYMPICS TODAY. But it came and I have been playing it like a fiend on the metro and when I am bored at work and no one's on chat. BEST IMPULSE BUY EVER. Also I found my Link's Awakening cartridge and have been powering my way through that, too. What is it about video games, man!! I just get started and I CANNOT STOP.

e) Related to my total lame nerditude: I RANDOMLY RECEIVED AN ISSUE OF THE SMALLVILLE MAGAZINE IN THE MAIL. What the fuck? WHY ON EARTH. I was given a subscription to the SPN magazine as a gift, and it hadn't been coming, so I figured the company fucked up and I was going to call them and demand backissues angrily already anyway. AND THEN THEY HIT ME WITH SURPRISE TOM WELLING?! He was STARING AT ME balefully (lolz) right there on the cover. I DID NOT INVITE HIM. Sigh. I hate making fussy phonecalls, but I totally will. Anyway. If anyone wants the most recent issue of the SV magazine, I will give it away free to a good home. :D! Just drop me a comment or email or something.

f) I did not make a post on Sam Winchester's birthday because I was having a DEAN FORESTER MARATHON with sadcypress, but obviously I love poor Sammy more than I could ever possibly say, probably more than any other fictional character ever, and I am very sad that he had to spend the day of his illustrious birth [REDACTED BECAUSE IT IS PROBS STILL TOO SOON FOR 4.20 STUFF]. :( Poor bb. I did a drabble meme last year in celebration, and never actually finished writing like HALF the prompts. I AM STILL GOING TO, SOMEDAY! I promise!

g) Vaguely relatedly.

( How did I only just now realize this? )

h) Totally unrelatedly, I have lots of schmoopy J-squared thoughts about this text. Too bad that's a Maryland area code. I just fucking LOVE textsfromlastnight in general, firstly because I have sent some truly staggeringly horrifying texts in my time, and also because I want CWRPS FIC ABOUT 90% OF THEM.

i) I'm glad everyone is happily plugging away with their Dreamwidth stuff, but guys. :( WHY DO THE OBESE LITTLE GREY MEN FROM DREAMWIDTH REPLACE THE THE CUTE LITTLE BLUE MEN FROM LJ WHEN YOU IMPORT YOUR POSTS. :( I want that to stop. I do not like those icons at ALL and they are all over the place, now. Also, I snagged "balefully" over there because I didn't want someone else to get it first, but I do not plan on ever using it unless the apocalypse occurs. I won't be friending/following/subscribing/whatever anyone over there, and will mostly just kind of ignore its existence as much as possible. I HAVE BEEN ON LJ FOR EIGHT YEARS. I WILL CLING TO IT UNTIL ITS DYING BREATH.

j) I AM SO GLAD I GOT MY ROUGH DRAFT OF spn_j2_bigbang DONE ON TIME! Also, my fic got claimed by cathybites. OH MY GOD. :D! I SCREAMED FOR REAL. I may possibly explode from too much excitement sodignsdhfhj. Here's my summary as posted:

Author: balefully
Artist: cathybites
Title: We Flow Together (Once and Forever)
Pairing and Rating: Jared/Jensen, NC-17
Summary: As a child, Jensen Ackles was saved from drowning by a mysterious boy who appeared from the depths off the coast of Cape Cod. Now a grown man, Jensen is a stage actor in New York City, living off a trust fund from his parents, and convinced he's incapable of true love. One fateful night finds him back in Cape Cod after a raucous party gone wrong, fighting for his life as he sinks beneath the waves. Yet again, he's saved from a watery grave—this time by a naked man, seemingly mute and more beautiful than anyone Jensen's ever seen. The stranger decides to call himself Jared, and as he and Jensen spend time together, learning each other body and soul, Jensen finds that his own capacity for love is as boundless as the ocean.

Jensen's world comes crashing down around him when he discovers the origin of Jared's strange naivety and lack of inhibitions—he's a mermaid, fins and all. After Jared is abducted by researchers who subject him to cruel tests, Jensen must make a crucial decision: will he risk everything to finally find true love—with a fish—or will Jared be the one that got away?

sdipgndfhnodfgionh I MAY POSSIBLY HAVE CRACKED MYSELF UP TO AN EXTREME DEGREE WHILST WRITING IT. I don't even know anymore.

k) I KNOW there were more things I wanted to say. I will stop now, though, because I think getting to K in an alphabetical list of points is QUITE ENOUGH for one evening. I have Personal Life Issues I will maybe make a whiny mopey post about at some point, but not now.

( 4.20! )

...LOLZ 420!

I GIVE UP. There is no possible way I can finish the enormous, sprawling, angsty, fucked-up pornfest that I was planning to write for Big Bang. No possible way. I have like 5,000 words and only 5 days to finish it, and it's really really difficult for me to write. So I don't see that happening. (Not to mention the fact that I have a whopping 500 words of my j2_everafter fic and that is due first.) I AM JUST GOING TO FINISH MY SPLASH AU FOR BIG BANG INSTEAD. Sigh. I am defeated. :( Even though sadcypress tried to motivate me with the best motivator ever, today: "WRITE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER WRITTEN BEFORE!  Write like DEAN FORESTER is waiting on you to finish before he can come in and hang out with you." IF ANYTHING COULD GET ME TO WRITE, THAT WOULD.

But yeah, not that I will not be thrilled to finish my Splash AU, but I sort of feel like I suck for not managing the prison fic. I have been planning to write it ever since October, and it's almost MAY now. That is ridiculous. Then again, I have been planning to write Splash since January of 2008, so. Basically I just fail all around. :( Writing fic is getting me SO DOWN lately, I don't even know. I feel like I have just totally atrophied and am completely incapable. I feel a little bit like that about my fandom involvement in general! I don't WANT to fade away, but I sort of feel like I'm slipping! I don't comment or post even half as much as I did this time last year. I WILL TURN IT AROUND, THOUGH! STARTING NOW! NO MORE! I blame having a job and a (sort of) life. I am sick of having a job and life, guys. Getting drunk with friends/coworkers three times a week only gets me so far. :( I just want to read fic and lounge around all day. WHO CARES ABOUT CHANGING THE WORLD, ANYWAY. NOT ME.

No, that's a lie. On Friday I was working until after 11 PM because I went to run a workshop at an event in Southeast (The place I was is like. The worst neighbourhood you can be in in DC, and that's saying something.) that was being held at a community center to draw kids and teens in to get HIV tests. We found a positive. :( Which is really sad. I mean, these are kids between 11 and about 16 or so. We'll have to go back and have a bunch more events at that community center, since there's an affected population. It's really depressing. And a lot of the kids from the community didn't even come, because they were having a candleight vigil in that neighbourhood that night for a 16-year-old who'd gotten shot the night before. Another kid is on life support still, and in critical condition. So yeah. My work leaves me pretty heavy sometimes. Plus it's not exactly safe to be chilling at 8th and Yuma waiting for the bus for an hour at 11 PM, but I guess I gotta do what I gotta do.

ANYWAY. ON A LIGHTER NOTE! valiant is an enabler, and got me hooked on Dr. Ashens. He is this hilarious English dude in a suit who reviews shitty electronic games. IT SOUNDS RANDOM, I KNOW! But just watch a couple of his videos and you will be SUCKED IN FOREVER. Liquid Filth! "Bob is both a Jedi and a cyborg, and therefore a force to be reckoned with." OSIgnkfhodinfh AHAHAH OH MAN. Just. Go watch.


And now, two quick recs!

On Your Dime, by kelleigh. Smith/Wesson. :D! SAM WESSON AS A PHONESEX WORKER. HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY GO WRONG.

Be Awake, by candle_beck. It is probably totally needless to rec anything by candle_beck. I instantly assume everything she posts is automatically recced far and wide by the very AIR WE BREATHE. She is so fucking amazing. This was a dizzy, lovely, amazing little fic. Her words are poetry and I felt all light and happy and sleepy afterwards. AMAZING. Also, I have had a concussion before, and I only wish I had had Sam there to take care of me when I had it like Dean does.


UGH it is like twelve trillion billion degrees in my house right now. :( DO NOT WANT. Weep. I will use my sweaty Jared icon to show my current state. Also, I am listening to Tinted Windows, Taylor Hanson's "supergroup" made of the most hilariously random people ever. HERE, have their album! It is sort of fun and bouncy and cool! To combat the smothering heat of my house. Haha. :/ Or not.

Anyway. Lastly: valiant and I were having a bit of a discussion the other day, and now I am curious. What is your definition of "romance"? i.e. What makes something romantic, or a romance story? What are the main pillars of what romance really is?

Okay, YOU KNOW WHAT PISSES ME OFF? Yeah, Amazon, but something else, too. Something much less serious and upsetting but NONETHELESS WORTHY.

I hate CELL PHONE CAMERAS.

HATE THEM.

Why, WHY do they have to make the LOUDEST, MOST OBNOXIOUS CLICKING NOISE EVER ON THE PLANET? WHY? It's clearly the case that every single person in the world is using his or her cell phone camera to surreptitiously take pictures of people they are stalking/pieces of art they are looking at in a museum/hungover celebrities incognito on the street/crazy shit they sneak by on their way to work. And ALL OF THESE THINGS get totally RUINED when the cell phone camera goes CRRRRRRRR-TICK!!!124`! and alerts EVERYONE within a TWELVE MILE RADIUS that you are taking pictures of things you have no business taking pictures of. WHY?! DO CELL PHONE COMPANIES FEEL MORALLY OBLIGATED TO MAKE SURE I CANNOT TAKE PICTURES OF REALLY HOT PEOPLE TO MMS TO MY FRIENDS WITHOUT MORTIFYING ME? DO THEY WANT ME TO BE NABBED BY THE COPS FOR PEDOPHILIA BECAUSE I SAW A KID WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE COLIN FORD AND I WANTED TO LOL ABOUT IT LATER? Sigh, I say! SIGH! The first phone I find that has a silencer for the camera function will be my FUTURE SPOUSE, I shit you not. AM I ALONE IN THIS?! I cannot possibly be.

Um. Right. Anyway.

In other news, if anyone was ever planning on seeing Repo! The Genetic Opera, don't. It was heinous. The music was so, so bad. And the singing. And the "plot". Oh my god it was the longest ninety minutes of my life. It was also like over a week ago that I watched it with beckaandzac and it has taken me this long to report on its atrocity. BUT it is worth saying. Blargh. The only good thing about it was occasionally the costumes/makeup. When Paris Hilton steals the show, you know your movie sucks balls.

Speaking of sucking balls. Work sucks balls. I am no longer having coworker issues, because going out and getting drunk and spilling TMI about everything on the planet is the great unifier, but now I am having general job-description issues. Since I only see my kids on Saturdays, that leaves me doing fuck-all for the whole rest of the week, and I am not learning anything at all about public health or health centers or even just health care in general, which was the whole point of taking this job. "Job" used loosely, of course, because I'm not technically employed and this is technically a volunteer position. Which is BLATANTLY OBVIOUS when I look at my sad little bank account. It's like the vault in Harry Potter where they kept the Philosopher's Stone. There's a grubby little brown package in one sad little corner, except instead of the key to eternal life and unimaginable wealth, that little grubby brown package is my brown-bag lunch from last week, containing nothing but a rotting banana and stale PB&J. :( I STILL LOVE MY KIDS. But this is just looking more and more hopeless, as far as the actual success of the program, bureaucratically speaking.

This is probably boring you all to TEARS.

UM I should rec some things, but I haven't been saving links this week! Which was silly of me, because I read a fic where Jensen was catatonic and Jared was depressed. GOLDMINE! I don't even care about the actual plot or quality of writing, I love mental disorders in fic so much. _mournthewicked is writing one where Jared has DID and I am like. Drooling all over myself in anticipation. NOT THAT I THINK THE PLOT OR QUALITY WILL BE BAD. I just realised how that sounded. saosidngsodg YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. *____*! I am like obsessed with DID. I have read every book there is and done veritable TONS of random research and read all the papers I can and just oadsingsodinh god it is the most fascinating thing ever. dark_reaction wrote This Is The Sun Gone Down, which is a Sam/Dean fic where Sam has DID, and it is one of my favourite fics I've ever read. UNF.

Which brings me to my own writing. Oh my god, it is so fucking hard to squeeze it out. :( I seriously have never felt so bad about writing before. I just don't want to do it, EVER, and when I do I want to work on Splash which is the fic that was due like a month ago and therefore no longer has a deadline I have to worry about. Why can't I want to work on the Hercules AU or my Big Bang? GOD MY BIG BANG. I had like a full-fledged freakout about it today. I went over to Becka's to have a drunk writing party and get a real head start on it, but of course I managed to write THE TITLE. AND THAT IS IT. And mediaville was trying to help me last night but really it just depressed me more because I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE THE SCOPE OF THIS THING. Since I can't even write fluffy easy stuff these days, how am I supposed to write angsty difficult stuff? I just. It is getting ridiculous. I'm not going to throw in the towel yet, but it is getting dangerously close to hopeless.

I have some betaing to do that I will hopefully finish in the next couple days. I really should've done that today while I wasn't writing, but of course I just sat on my ass and played 62873078507824086236 hours of Sims. Which I will not talk about because I KNOW HOW MUCH PEOPLE HATE THAT. But yeah. Least productive day EVER.

Also I am STILL sunburned from the boat trip I took with my kids over a week ago. :( It was awesome, and they LOVED it and got to do some really cool stuff with water testing and learn about environmental justice and why the Anacostia river is basically just USED TOILET WATER. But there were like 45MPH winds and it was fucking freezing and I ended up looking like a LOBSTER at the end of it and everyone was laughing at me because ninety-nine percent of them didn't even really know what a sunburn WAS before that, except abstractly from like TV or whatever. oadsginsklfhdofnih OW. The worst of it is in my hairline. BAD PLACE TO BE PEELING. :/

It does really make me want fic where Jensen gets sunburned, though, and Jared has to rub him all over with aloe and be all sweet and gentle and try not to laugh at him too much for being pathetic. *___*! It would devolve into lots of tickling because we all know how I feel about TICKLING. SPIgnskdhdfinh MMMMM YES.


At Becka's this weekend we watched that clip of I'm Runnin', the song that Rufus Wainwright wrote for a short film (and which he performed in the film) when he was TWELVE YEARS OLD. I had heard the song before, but seeing the part of the movie omfg CLASSIC. GOD RUFUS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IDEK.



There's another YouTube treasure I wanna share, but I'll do it in a different post because this one is so random and unwieldy already anyway aodinsdinhfdhoin SORRY. :/

I have not made a non-episode-reaction post in a REALLY LONG TIME. Life and work have been stressful as of late. I just get SO TIRED when I am home! Like I don't feel like doing anything at all but blobbing around. It's no fun, and is not conducive to having interesting things to say in LJ entries.

HOWEVER! Here is something interesting:


weecest weecest weecest! It is a new open fic comm for Sam/Dean weechester shenanigans, and everyone should go there and WRITE ME AMAZING WEECEST! :D! You know you want to. The more convoluted current canon gets, the more I want to bury myself in pre-series and roll around without a care in the world. <333! JOIN! Pimp to your naughty friends!


Wow, I have stuff in this Semagic window from a BILLION YEARS. I have a note still about how I want to squee about JARED AND LEFTIES from the con! :D! If I had been there, I would probably have been screaming my fool head off and/or convulsing on the ground. RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS!

I also have a link to an amusing find. The Jensen sports cars. I am suddenly HUGELY curious if there is someone doing a j2_everafter fic based on Cars. :D!

beckaandzac came to play with me this weekend, and we had LOTS OF FUN and also there was lots of movie-viewing and reading of our unfinished fics. WHICH brings me to the fact that I DESPERATELY need to rec a finished fic of Becka's. Too Much of a Good Thing Makes It Better is STUPENDOUSLY AMAZING PORN. Like, seriously brain-melting. You will probably have a heart attack reading it. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: THIS FIC IS TOO HOT TO EXIST, etc. And I'm not just saying that because she started writing it for me in a gchat window while I was ostensibly "working". HAHA. Oh man. ANYWAY go read! Jared/Jensen and buttplugs is never wrong.

I have some camwhore pictures because I recently bought a cadre of Threadless tees and also some new earrings and sunglasses. I also found a picture from about a year and a half ago of me with my blue/purple/black hair. Does anyone care? Probably not, but these will all just sit around on my computer, forever pointless, if I don't upload. So there.

( I am sure you care deeply about my retail therapy and bad hair. )

You know what SUCKS BALLS? THE CLASSIC ROCK STATION IN DC. THE ONLY RADIO STATION I EVER LISTEN TO. THE ONLY ONE I CAN EVEN STAND. IS NOW "CONTEMPORARY POP". osiadgnlkdgoinsofinssdohgsin GOD I AM SO MAD. What the hell am I supposed to listen to in the car now when I can't be bothered with my own stuff. :( BLAAAAAAH ANGRY SAD MISERABLE. I HATE THE WORLD. I miss you, 94.7 FM. :(

( 4.18! )

DID SOMEONE JUST TRY TO GCHAT WITH ME? I think I accidentally closed the invite. I'M SORRY! :( SEND AGAIN.

( 4.17! )

Anyway. God. BESIDES THAT. This week has been THE WEEK FROM HELL. Everything that could possibly go wrong has, I went to my Oma's viewing the other day and saw my first coffin the same time I saw my Opa cry for the first time ever (sobbing into my shoulder), I fucked up at LIFE no less than four different times and pissed off at least four different people by being a stupid bitch, including my BOSS and two good friends. I am a fucking mess, man. I need to just go to bed and sleep until April.

( 4.16! )

I actually have a lot of other RL stuff to say eventually. I haven't updated in quite a while; my Oma died yesterday morning, so. Things have been weird. I will post in detail about it later.