Jensen "Squeakers" Ackles



Squeakers is a Serendipity Book by Stephen Cosgrove, illustrated by Robin James.

Dedicated to beckaandzac and her wondrous efforts to teach all children that someday in their lives, they may have to say, "NO!"

Warnings: Metaphorical underage. Metaphorical non-con. "Manips". LOLZ.

( Throughout our dreams there are always hidden forests we have never seen before. )


sodignsdigodni I DON'T EVEN KNOW, OKAY. I was forced. Obvs I didn't actually write that; I just transcribed it from the actual book and made a few. Uh. Changes.


In other news! OMFG OMFG FIRED UP! You must all go out and see it IMMEDIATELY. So unexpectedly KICK-ASS. I actually injured myself laughing, and in fact my cheeks are still sore today from the stupid grin I had on my face all night. I don't want to SPOIL anything, because seriously, knowing nothing going into it made it AWESOME, but I will just say that DANNEEL. ROCKS. THE. SHIT. OUT. OF. IT. And also there is beautiful, beautiful GAY everywhere you look. And also the kid from Asylum is adorable and hilarious, as is the kid from Sky High, and the kid from Aliens in America. IDEK. IT WAS GENIUS. THERE WERE HEALTH CARE JOKES. THERE WERE PUNCTUATION JOKES. THERE IS ONE PARTICULAR JOKE THAT MADE ALL US FANNISH PEOPLE PEE OURSELVES AND SCREAM FOR LIKE SOGINGINEOGIN MINUTES ON END. I don't even know. Holy shit. GO SEE IT.

It's bleak and rainy and cold here today, and we don't get new SPN for over a week, and when we do, WHO KNOWS IF IT WILL BE ANY GOOD. Plus, we're all going back to the grind after our holiday breaks, and there's nothing but MONOTONY and LAME waiting for us. Right?

WRONG.



blindfold_spn! THAT AWESOME THING I WAS TALKING ABOUT! The anonymous kink meme Supernatural fandom has been sorely needing! :D! lazy_daze and fleshflutter and I hope you will come join us and kink away like the crazy pervs we know you all are. <3!


In other news, it turns out my training is EVERY DAY this week, from 9 to 5, and includes a completely pointless yet ridiculously involved and complicated PROJECT and seriously, WTF, if I wanted to have homework, I would've fucking gone back to school. I am NOT IMPRESSED. D: THAT IS A WHOLE WEEK OF BETAING AND WRITING THAT I AM COMPLETELY LOSING. And there is other horrible personal stuff going on in my life and I may possibly have CRIED in the car on the way home today, I was so stressed and upset. It has been like the worst day ever. The only good thing about it is blindfold_spn. :(

OH MY GOD AHAHAHAHAHONLWTOIDNLHOIANOWINSG THE "DRABBLE" GENERATOR. OH MY GOD I AM WEEPING WITH LAUGHTER. BEST. MADLIBS. EVER.


Jared and Jensen
by William Shakespeare

Enter Jared

Jensen appears above at a window

Jared:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the bottle of lube, and Jensen is the horse.
Arise, pulsing horse, and fuck the slick condom.
See, how he leans his nipple upon his cock!
O, that I were a glove upon that cock,
That I might touch that nipple!

Jensen:
O Jared, Jared! wherefore art thou Jared?
What's in a name? That which we call a hole
By any other name would smell as slimy
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a pile-driver, all night long"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove taut.

Jared:
Swain, by yonder slick condom I swear
That tips over the arm of the couch the rock-hard jizz--

Jensen:
O, swear not by the condom, the hot condom,
That achingly changes in its red orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise red.
Sweet, enormous night! A thousand times enormous night!
Parting is such dripping sorrow,
That I shall say enormous night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Jared:
Sleep dwell upon thy nipple, peace in thy cock!
Would I were sleep and peace, so slowly to rest!
wantonly will I to my pulsing hole's cell,
Its help to fuck, and my slimy hole to tell.


I AM LIKE PEEING MYSELF AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHBGFIKNWJTOGPDINHPWIOGSKMLdhsdfhmkjdjd. DOST THOU LOVE ME? I KNOW THOU WILT SAY "LIKE A PILE-DRIVER, ALL NIGHT LONG" AND I WILL TAKE THY WORD.

OH MY GOD I DID NOT EVEN RIG THAT. THAT IS SOGINWOGINDHOIN ALL BY CHANCE.

(ETA: OMFG I keep refreshing and they are ALL AS DELICIOUSLY GENIUS AS THIS ONE. There's one where Jensen is a horse who Jared saves and then falls in love with and then kisses to turn him into a prince. adoginsetgosdihn. "On the eighth night, Jensen [the horse] climbed into bed with Jared. He burrowed under the covers and desperately fucked Jared's cock. It made Jared giggle and he cuddled close to Jensen, stroking his hole and singing wantonly to him. They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Jared hurried home so he could curl up with Jensen. It gave him a pulsing feeling whenever Jensen fucked his cock." Then Jensen turns into a prince, and some stuff happens. "Then he kissed Jared and they tumbled over the arm of the couch and did a lot of very hot things, some of them involving an enormous jizz." DYING. DYING. I AM NOT EVEN MAKING THIS UP. HOLY CRAP, I AM GOING TO BE PLAYING WITH THIS THING ALL NIGHT, I CAN TELL RIGHT NOW.

ETA 2: "But Jared had already moved over the arm of the couch. Like a pile-driver, all night long, he pressed his cock into Jensen's hole. And as they fell together in an enormous fit of love, the condom lay on the floor, slimy and forgotten." AHAHAHAHGOSNLWGIEKdhfg.)

So dontyouwaitup made me the BEST T-SHIRT EVER IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE. Like. Seriously. It is so amazing, it is almost as good as the actual getting-to-touch-Jared part of Eyecon. SERIOUSLY. BEST. EVER. I am totally not cutting it. That is how amazing it is.



YES. I think everyone must be familiar with my burning, vitriolic hatred of Jess Mariano, but if not. WELL. NOW YOU KNOW. I HAVE NEVER BEFORE HATED A FICTIONAL CHARACTER THIS MUCH. EVER. AND NEVER WILL AGAIN.

I am totally spending the day rewatching all the Dean episodes of Gilmore Girls. *_*! This was also partially prompted by hanging out with sadcypress all day yesterday. I may have gotten irrevocably sucked into "Chicken or Beef?" and there is NO GOING BACK. Also as a result of yesterday, I have an enormous bag of Trolli Brite Crawlers and I will undoubtedly make myself SICK on them because they are SO SO GOOD and I cannot stop eating them.


In other news, I prompted philalethia to write Bela/Tamara, because I love SPN femslash and hardly anyone ever writes it, and that seems like a likely and interesting pairing to me. AND SHE DID. It's in four parts at the bottom there. :D! IT'S BRILLIANT and just perfect. <3.

I was also thinking today about that ridiculously adorable/gorgeous Christmas card that Jared and Sandy sent out a couple years ago, and idly wondering if that was Sandy's doing, or Jared's. And if it was Jared's, or if Jensen is the Christmas card type, then clearly there is going to be a repeat performance including a portrait-studio picture of Jared and Jensen with the dogs this Christmas. oasdigsodign AHAHAHA oh man.

I had a WHOLE SEMAGIC WINDOW FULL OF THINGS TO SAY. But instead, I am bringing you something completely wackadoodle.

balefully: I think the Dexter writers plan every minute detail from the get-go.
balefully: Unlike SPN.
balefully: Who like.
joosetta: go where the river takes them
joosetta: like pocahontas
joosetta: pocahontas was not destined to make tv shows
joosetta: just sayin
joosetta: ...I want like
joosetta: a manip of kripkes head on pocahontas now

( OBVIOUSLY I COULD NOT REFUSE SUCH A CHALLENGE. OH GOD. )

ETA: FOR MORE CRACK-ADDLED SHENANIGANS, MAY I RECOMMEND JAREDLES?

valiant: you know who really strikes me as a furry
valiant: jeffrey dean morgan
balefully: oasidgnosdinOSINGOWINEGTKLDMSLGKMWOPTIQASKMLGHKMS
balefully: SCREAM.

I do not even know. aoiengsoidngslng valiant is going to regret this, but. There is fic where Jared is a furry and Jensen stomps on kittens. I am actually in enormous amounts of pain from laughing. LOOK AT HER MASTERPIECE:



Today sucked MUCH LESS than yesterday! I got to sleep really late and only had to go to the library with my lab parter for a few hours of work. Although I have had nothing but one bowl of no-fat clam chowder to eat all day because I ate an ENTIRE PIZZA yesterday and more tequila than I should have had, so. I have to make up for the spectacular diet slip. My tummy is grumbling like crazy and I should really go buy some salad ingredients and chicken and stuff but I know if I go to the grocery store I will come back with like ICE CREAM AND CAKE or something. D:

Captain Jack and Tosh singing a bit of a song from MISS SAIGON! (By way of sadcypress.) I actually died. They are really good, and aodignsonghsoidnhdosnhi when they are not being in stupid stupid Torchwood which I cannot stand yet CANNOT MISS AN EPISODE OF for some reason, I really love them. I saw the woman who plays Tosh in Avenue Q in London, and she was really great. :D! ANYWAY. A song! Played on a solo saxophone! *_*!

I watched Harsh Times the other day. I don't know if anyone on my flist has seen it at all, but it's basically Christian Bale and Freddie Rodriguez calling each other "dog" a lot and fucking up their lives. It was hilarious at the beginning, and I found their acting to be REALLY stilted, but I think in retrospect it was just because Christian Bale sounding like poor white trash from inner-city LA is like. oaidgnosindsiong the most HILARIOUSLY WRONG SOUND in the world. And it was like. "Christian Bale, why do you sound like that?" rather than believing in the character. HE CONVINCED ME, THOUGH. As he always does. And by the end I was crying and freaking out and doginsodinhdfohin oh my god. OH MY GOD. There are just a lot of THOUGHTS that I have about sociopaths and psychopaths and people with personality disorders and the effects of war situations and violence on the brain, but I just don't really know how to articulate them. And the fact that such a low-budget movie hit me so hard and made me think so much is awesome. <333! IT STILL DOESN'T MAKE ME LIKE GIO IN UGLY BETTY, THOUGH. >:0!

Speaking of people who don't fit in/people with violent urges! I know everyone in the world has already recced The Common Fate of All, by gretazreta, but I am doing it again anyway, because it was just that amazing. I seriously can't shake the bone-deep FEELING this fic left me with. I was sobbing through the second half of the second part, and I just had to stop reading because I didn't want it to end and the closer the scroll bar got to the bottom of the page, the more my stomach was twisting. So, so beautiful and atmospheric and drenched in just. Perfect, amazing feelings. I figured out the big reveal, if you can call it that, but I was never quite sure of myself, and that edge of tension as I waited for the AHA! moment was just delicious. Just. This whole FIC was delicious, from beginning to end. Something about it really reminds me of some of my favourite writing from HP fandom for some reason, in a really amazingly good way.

ALSO thenyxie is posting more of her teacher!Jensen/student!Jared D/s fic tonight probs, and I am SO SO SO EXCITED FOR IT. OSIGNILDSGNdhfj.

How is it already Wednesday?! HOW?! Class starts in less than a week, and the MCAT is in JUST OVER EIGHT DAYS. OMFG. D: D: D: I am so beyond unprepared, it's kind of ridiculous. I'm back in C'ville now, though, ostensibly to convince myself to really crack down. However, when I got here on Monday night, I WAS LOCKED OUT. They had CHANGED. THE LOCK. ON MY APARTMENT. WITHOUT TELLING ME. Which. Um, not good. So I called the manager on his personal mobile number (woohoo, whitepages.com!) and made him come out and give me a key. WHAT A FUCKER. Ugh. He was really nice when he came out, but still. Why the hell wouldn't they email me or call me to tell me they're changing my lock when I'm out of town? WTF.

ANYWAY. The drive down was THE MOST FABULOUS DRIVE DOWN TO C'VILLE EVER. Because sadcypress is a goddess among fandomers, and she recorded a PODFIC. OF THE DEVIL REALLY DOES WEAR PRADA. It is seriously the most amazing thing I have ever listened to. I was actually laughing out loud, and snickering and smiling and bouncing in my seat because she is the most GENIUS PODFIC READER, god, her voice and inflection and characters were SPOT-ON PERFECT, and it was like I was hearing the story for the very first time, like I'd never even read it before, much less WRITTEN IT MYSELF LOLZ. She makes it about twelve billion times better and funnier with her interpretation of it. I cannot even. HER JESS. SAM'S HILARIOUS NARRATIVE VOICE. OMFG I WAS DYING AND FELT SO STUPIDLY NARCISSISTIC SINCE TECHNICALLY IT IS MY FIC. THE ACCENTS. SOIGNsoihhsh. Which is worse, listening to one's own podfic recording or the podfic recording of one's own fic?

Point being! GO DOWNLOAD THE PODFIC RIGHT. NOW. DROP EVERYTHING. Even if you've never read my fic, ahaha, you MUST hear this.

Also in the media-recs category! The gorgeous Let me be your armor, fanart by oatmeal_queen. Spoilers for the end of season 3! ODSginsfoihndoginosidgnON SAM IN THE MIDDLE. OMFG I AM REDUCED TO MERE GIBBERING. (ETA: OOOH! She just posted the coloured version!)


So I know we are all a bit :| for various rumour-related reasons lately, but let's think about the good here! JARED JETSKIING! I don't know if it's just me, but I think jetskiing is TOTALLY SEXY and I have been thinking about it a lot lately because of my amorphous plan to write a Sam/Dean AU where they're preppy rich kids with a waterfront house in Maryland, and jetski a lot. Dean drives and Sam rides bitch, with his arms around Dean's waist and his face pressed into the back of Dean's neck so he doesn't get spray in his eyes. *_*! Also, Jared being an uncle! That's cool and happy news, right? :D! LET'S BE POSITIVE.

Similarly, all the SPN fandom wanky ridiculous nonsense going on in other comms is kind of poo, but did yield this gem, although now I can't remember who said it or why, but I c/p'd it into my Semagic window, so clearly I was touched by it: "Jensen has never been naked enough since his twink photoshoots when he didn't know how to say no." AHAHAHA. OH JENSEN. Sad, but true. Similarly, as I think we pretty much all know by now, Jensen is number THIRTEEN in AfterElton.com's list of the 100 hottest guys. That's pretty awesome but not particularly interesting until you go look at the rest of the top twenty, and they are almost all either openly gay, as good as openly gay, or world-famous gay icons/actors famous for playing gay roles. Jensen, honey. Are you seeing a pattern here? I AM SEEING A PATTERN HERE. The only people who beat him were: Jake Gyllenhaal, John Barrowman, Luke MacFarlane (apparently out, and on Brothers and Sisters), Cheyenne Jackson (out, and a Broadway actor/singer), Neil Patrick Harris, Gale Harold, Van Hansis (that guy from the gay storyline of that soap), Chris Evans (FLAME ON), Anderson Cooper, Gareth David-Lloyd, and David Beckham. I am just hilariously reminded of that interview where Jensen said he'd never even been acknowledged by a gay fan before. JENSEN, METHINKS YOU DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH. EMBRACE YOUR GAY APPEAL, PLEASE. Poor Jaredface got relegated way down to number 43. :( Last year, Jared was 37 and Jensen was 35. I am kind of bitter. HOWEVER, the first bit of the blurb about Jensen is genius:

If you don’t watch the CW network (and before that the WB) it’s quite possible you’ve never even heard of Jensen Ackles. But gay fans who do know him must be quite passionate about him. How else to explain his spot at #13 on the Hot 100?


Speaking of gay! I totally ship Oscar Wilde/Walt Whitman. OMFG best literary pairing EVER, and it is totally canon. *_*!


And now! The precome rant I wanted to make the other day!

( I am sure NO ONE CARES, but in case you do, here it is. )

Story title: Keep Our Minds on the Sum of Each Other
Story author: lazy_daze
Read by: balefully
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Format: *.mp3
Approximate length: 46.15 MB, or 50 minutes and 24 seconds.


Summary: Sam saves Dean from Hell, resulting in soul-swapping hijinx. And porn.


DOWNLOAD HERE, or HERE


Reader's notes: My second podfic ever! More dialogue than I've dealt with before; I would love a comment/feedback if you download/listen! Let me know if anyone needs me to put it on a different file-sharing site. :D! This is all for my Samface! <333!

Story title: The Process of the Taking
Story author: joosetta, originally posted at antiship
Read by: balefully
Rating: NC-17
Format: *.mp3
Approximate length: 47.23 MB, or 51 minutes and 35 seconds.


Author's summary: Sam develops some new powers.


DOWNLOAD HERE, or HERE

Or you can download the Podbook version HERE. (Thanks, cybel!)

Permanent links for both versions of the file can be found HERE. (Thanks, general_jinjur!)


Reader's notes: I've never actually done one of these before! But I quite enjoy listening to them, and I am madly in love with this fic by joosetta and knew she wouldn't mind me butchering her gorgeous porn with my weird voice. <333! So hopefully it's not too awful, and someone else will be able to enjoy it, too. I would love a comment/feedback if you download/listen! Oh, and let me know if anyone needs me to put it on a different file-sharing site; it's not a problem.

Or: Why A Lot Of Fics Make Lucy Cringe, Then Laugh Hysterically

Buttsex can be very fun for dudes who choose in engage in it with each other (or a girl with fingers and/or a toy). We all know this by now. And I think we also know that it can be very NOT fun, and that a lot of guys don't enjoy bottoming because they just straight up don't like how it feels. But I think it is safe to say that we generally do not want to write about guys bottoming and not liking it, because we want orgasms and joy and eternal love and lots of hot sweaty fucking.

SO.

I am going to begin with the statement that this anatomical guide to a very important part of the male ass-ial region is not meant to force everyone to be completely clinical and realistic at all times. It's perfectly fine to gloss over the prostate completely (so to speak!), or to only vaguely mention it, or to use euphemisms that are not eye-burningly horrible ("that place" strikes me as perfectly acceptable for a character to think in the heat of the moment, for example). What it IS intended to do, however, is show in no uncertain terms what is WRONG. Because I have seen some real corkers in all my years of reading smut, let me tell you. I want to give a kind of basic knowledge so that everyone can just, like. Have the ability to make educated decisions about what to include and not include. And so that maybe, just maybe, in future someone will remember something I have said here and we can avoid yet another anatomically incorrect buttsex incident. Having said that, if you have referenced the prostate in a fic of yours in the past in a less-than-completely-factual manner, that is okay! I do not judge you! I may even have loved the fic. I just want to help! ANYWAY. ON TO THE LECTURE.


1) Prostate Structure and Function

The prostate is an exocrine gland found in male mammals. It has a few different purposes. Firstly, it stores and secretes prostatic fluid that combines with sperm and other seminal fluids (produced by seminal vesicles) to create semen. (Quick aside: the seminal fluid is supposed to be slightly basic in pH in order to make the naturally acidic vaginal tract more conducive to sustaining the sperm cells.) The prostate is also constructed partially of smooth muscle, which is used to expel the semen from the urethra during ejaculation.

Notice how the prostate is a gland! Constructed partially of smooth muscle! And it stores fluid! This means that it is not a bundle of nerves. A clitoris is a bundle of nerves. A prostate is not. To illustrate this further, think of it in terms of its development. When a fetus is turning into a person, the prostate is formed (due to the presence of androgens, the male hormones) from the modified wall of the proximal portion of the urethra. A bunch of glandular and non-glandular components fuse together there, into one composite organ. In an adult, it's about the diameter of a condom, and has four glandular regions which correspond to the lobes, and which are not important in this particular case, so I'll ignore them.

2) Position of the Prostate Inside the Body

The prostate surrounds the top of the urethra like a glandular donut. It's right under the bladder, behind the pubic bone, and ADJACENT TO the rectum. The rectal wall separates the anal passage from the prostate, i.e. you cannot directly touch the surface of the prostate with something inside the rectum. The "bend" where the prostate rests on the other side of the rectal wall is in the outer-most third of the rectum (the most sensitive portion!), about two inches in from the anus and angled towards the belly. If you're looking externally, the prostate would be within the perineum, which is the area of skin between the testicles and the anus. (SEE IMAGES for all of this.)

3) Sexual Stimulation of the Prostate

The prostate swells when the man is aroused, and can be stimulated by fingers/a dick/a toy inserted into the rectum, because it (the object) will push into the prostate, separated from it by the rectal wall. The gland has a large amount of nerve transference, so it feels really good (overwhelmingly so, to some). The area where this occurs is sometimes called the "P-spot". It can greatly increase the intensity of orgasms when massaged, and sexual arousal before orgasm as well (i.e. better/harder/stronger/bigger erection). Some men orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, actual penile stimulation rendered unnecessary because the sensation is so intense. Prostate stimulation in men is often compared to stimulating the G-spot in women, as they involve analogous structures and sensations (the female version of the prostate, stimulated through the wall of the vagina at the G-spot, is called Skene's gland).

Notice how the analogous female erogenous zone is not the clitoris! It is the G-spot! This is a good way to remember that methods of effective stimulation of the prostate are different than clitoral stimulation. For example, one cannot just brush over the "P-spot" and provoke an intense reaction. It requires a massaging-type action! You have to push at the rectal wall to rub firmly against the prostate. It also isn't generally immediately effective after just one or two "rubs"; it's much better to repeatedly knead (for lack of a better word) at it, whether it be gently, with a crooked finger in a come-hither type gesture, or harder, with a cock, or any of a billion different sex toys. (See images for that, too!)

In order to best stimulate the prostate, "doggy-style" is often preferred because it offers the best angle and opportunity for deep penetration. If the receiving partner is on his back and the fucking is occurring in basic missionary style, his hips should be angled up, or the partner doing the penetrating should have a dick/toy that curves slightly upward in order to be most effective.

4) ( Visual Aids )

5) Links

The Healthy Prostate

The Prostate Gland Owners [sic] Manual (in .pdf)

Prostate Stimulation and Orgasm - Toys and Information (links after blurb to more information on anal sex and male sexual anatomy)


Questions? Comments? HIT ME UP, GUYS!

(ETA: SOMEONE STOP ME AHAHAHAHA!)

Okay guys. Lesson time!

I beta a lot of fics. It's really fun for me, and therefore mutually beneficial, and I volunteer to do it on a regular basis.

Almost every single person for whom I have ever beta'd has made the same mistake. Even the people who are usually awesome about their grammar rules! And I don't want to sound condescending or lame, and it doesn't upset me THAT much, but I just. :( I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THE TRUTH. I WANT TO SPREAD THE GRAMMAR GOSPEL. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! So.

AWHILE. VERSUS. A WHILE.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

Some people have tried to tell me that there are multiple camps in this debate, but I DO NOT BUY IT. There is a right way, and there is a wrong way, and that is that. So here we go:

Awhile. This is an adverb, and is not used with a preposition. It means "for an amount of time", and modifies a verb directly. Example: "I have some free time, so I can stay awhile!" In this case, you are modifying the verb phrase "can stay" with the adverb "awhile". Notice how there is no "for" (a preposition) present in the sentence; basically, it is inherent in the "awhile".

A while. This is a noun phrase, and when you have a preposition in your sentence, the noun phrase version MUST be used rather than the adverb version (remember, "awhile" is the adverb). It means "an amount of time", and is the object of a sentence. Example: "I have some free time, so I can stay for a while!" In this case, you are performing the action (being able to stay) for (the preposition) the noun (an amount of time, i.e. a while). Confusingly, however, when there is no preposition, the noun phrase can be used to function like an adverb. It is therefore also correct to say "I have some free time, so I can stay a while!" This makes sense if you consider "a while" to be like any other noun phrase; it sounds fine and is correct to say "I have some free time, so I can stay an hour!" The preposition is not necessary, and therefore the noun phrase can be used.

HOWEVER! It is NOT correct, EVER, to use an adverb after a preposition. You NEED to have an object if you have a preposition. THIS IS WRONG: "I have some free time, so I can stay for awhile!" Do not do it, please.

OKAY. :D! That is all I wanted to say. Hopefully that was helpful and you do not all hate me. If I said anything incorrect, please shout at me. And if you have questions, feel free to ask. Including, like, "OMG LUCY WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SO ALL THAT? YOU ARE MEAN. :(!"


One more horrifying class today, including a quiz, and then I CAN GO HOME THANK GOD. I have promised myself that I am going to finish at least 10,000 words of my spn_holidays story while I am on break this week, but who knows if it will happen? *CROSSES FINGERS*

As I mentioned the other day, when setissma was here, I played her one of my favourite mixes on the drive down to Charlottesville; it just so happens to be entirely made up of songs from the "SPN Mix" folder on my computer (which currently has 1,186 files in it, just for the record!). She took a particular shine to some of them, and said that I should share them with the world.

I was originally just going to upload the mix as it was, but I decided it would be lame to do that when half the songs on it were from other people's SPN mixes. So I tweaked it here and there and now it doesn't (as far as I know!) contain any songs that I've seen in other mixes (I think maybe tomorrow I will rec some of these illustrious other mixes! There are some amazing ones, with some of my favourite SPN-y songs on them). It also doesn't contain any Snow Patrol, because if I included Snow Patrol, I would have to put like. Every single song from all four albums on here. I also tried to keep embarrassing songs to a minimum, although a couple totally slipped through the cracks :D! Songs with asterisks (*) by their titles I originally heard and downloaded because they were used in SPN vids. All songs are in .mp3 format.

These tracks span pre-series all the way to the beginning of season three, as far as subject matter goes, and have a kind of loose chronological flow. I think there's a definite story laid out, but then again I am probably the only one who can see it, since I spent like. All day yesterday working it out. :">! I never realized how much work mixes are! It was really satisfying in the end, but CHRIST. I spent hours and hours and hours getting everything picked and converted and uploaded and summarized and formatted and graphic'd. I have SO MUCH RESPECT for you fanmixers who do this stuff all the time.

I'd LOVE for you to drop me a comment if you download, if you like/don't like it, etc. I can't MAKE you, obviously, but it would be nice. <333.


Nothing I Wouldn't Do (a Sam/Dean mix)

||

( Track listing, selected lyrics, and downloads. )

ETA: The first track was mislabeled with the wrong artist, but everything is completely fixed and reuploaded now! :D!

I have had this project. And it's been going on for almost a year now. And now I am finally, finally done. So here you go. :D!

Six minutes of Supernatural, Season Two, as told entirely by clips of Sam and Dean using each other's names.

VID: What's in a Name? Or Every Single Time Sam and Dean Say Each Other's Names In All of Season Two

It's 90 MB, a *.wmv, and available for download on MegaUpload (ETA: And MediaFire!). If anyone needs it uploaded to a different site, that's no problem. :D! I am by no means a vidder, and this is not exactly brilliant quality. :/ I just have a LOT of patience and thought it would be funny, and then it took a jillion years and I couldn't stop.

( Streaming YouTube version! )

Occasionally one of them will say the other's name when the other one is talking, so that is why there are some random non-name words/lines in there. AND. There was one particularly memorable instance where I couldn't tell if what Dean was saying was "Sam" or something...else. You will see what I mean when you get to it. :"> The end is, sadly, extremely anticlimactic. Oh well. Also, Sam basically uses "Dean" as like. A filler word, or verbal punctuation. HE SAYS IT CONSTANTLY. And he always MUMBLES it and blends it into other words and it was SUCH A BITCH to cut every single one. :/ Oh man. Dean always says "Sam" or "Sammy" really dramatically and with pauses and insane inflection and/or tears, so those were much easier to cut most of the time. I AM SURE YOU CARE DEEPLY.

And NOW! My reward for finishing! IS THE DVDS. *_*!

JARED IS A BEACON IN THE COLD DARK NIGHT.

A STAAAAAAAAAAAAAR IS BORN!



ETA:

CHADASUS

KRIPKETETES

JDMEUS

MCGDES

It is only the end of Day Two Without A Computer, and already I am sick and tired of it. D: PLUS there is all this LJ suspension nonsense going down, which just. God. WHAT PERFECT TIMING. :\ Just in case life couldn't be any more annoying and joyless, fandom has exploded and the apocalypse is nigh. UGH. I wish everyone would just ignore it and it would just instantly pass, and we could all go back to perving and chaning and incesting in peace.

ANYWAY.

a) Jared lives next to porn stars, parties with his parents and little sister, furnishes his house with gaming tables, and falls asleep with Sandy while watching the South Park movie. Possibly. I HIGHLY APPROVE. However, he has douchey friends, and his little sister has horrible taste in men. Possibly.

b) We saw an ENORMOUS SPN POSTER in Picadilly Circus today! :D! It was SO BEAUTIFUL and Jared's GIANT FACE makes me want to DIE OF JOY! Jensen's stubble is a little ridiculous, though. Sam already posted it, so I will just steal hers to repost, ahaha. ( YAY BOYS! )

c) While wallowing around without a computer and no inclination to do anything really productive, I finished our SPN wall! I'm sure many of you have seen our flat before, but now the living/futon area is really complete.

( LARGE SPN ART PICSPAM AHOY! )

d) 28 Weeks Later with Sam and Catherine was incredibly awesome, as was the truly staggering amount of Indian food I consumed afterwards.

e) I had to go through ?skip=220 just now to catch up on my flist. You are all very vocal today!

WHAT. WHAT. 20,040.

...this fucking fic is officially Big Bang length, baby. And I have only just gotten to the EXTREMELY SEX-ASS beginning of the makeover. WHY didn't I know at the time of sign-ups that I was going to be SO COLOSSALY INSPIRED? Why? It haunts me every day. :(

Also, I always kind of laughed at people who talked about how "OMG the characters don't want to do THIS, they want to do THAT!" in their writing. I figured, HEY, YOU'RE THE WRITER! You write what you want them to do! But now? Oh my god. I understand. Because seriously. It is taking. Every single ounce of willpower in my entire body. To keep Sam and Dean from just fucking. Each other's. Brains out. It's like. The UST is actually going to suffocate me if they do not have sex like. YESTERDAY. OIANFOSIGNSOIHN.

In honour of hitting 20,000+, Jared would like to celebrate with me tonight:



Thanks for that, Jared. (No, seriously, joosetta and I were talking about fashionista!Sammy and how everyone calls him brain-damaged. You will see.)

OH MY GOD. THE SIDES FOR THE CHRISTMAS COTTAGE.

YOU PEOPLE.

WHAT.

THIS MOVIE IS SO VIOLENTLY SUCKTASTIC, I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

Only the SPN badfic brother scene and ENORMOUS GAYNESS of Jared with Peter O'Toole (CRYING. CONFESSIONS OF LOVE. A KISS!) are going to save it. WHAT IS THIS TRIPE?!

Download the .pdf of the casting sides for "Thom" HERE!

Mmm, I bought new shampoo, and it smells SO GOOD. I keep thinking I am getting a whiff of some other girl's sexy shampoo smell, and then I realize it is ME. Hahaha.

SO. I had the most cracked-out dream in the universe yesterday. This is probably because I woke up at 2 PM and then proceeded to nap from 3 PM until about 6 PM, which. Cannot be healthy.

ANYWAY. The dream. I was on the intarwebz, reading fic, as you do. And oxoniensis had posted this huge Sam/Jess epic, like. Her magnum opus. And I HATED IT. I was SO PISSED OFF that she'd written a novel-length Sam/Jess. My rage was, like. Palpable (I have no idea why; I LOVE Sam/Jess, and a novel length by oxoniensis would totally make my week.). So anyway, I attempted to read it, even though I hated it, and I realized I couldn't read. Which just made it all worse, and I was really upset and enraged. At which point I realized I was in the guest room of my Oma and Opa's house and someone was calling me for dinner. So I went downstairs and tried not think about how I couldn't read. Dinner was salmon (which makes sense, as there was a bit of a salmon debacle when I went shopping yesterday morning), and I was happy. But then I saw that JARED WAS SITTING UNDER THE TABLE. He was all hunched up and emo-crying, because he didn't want salmon for dinner. I was trying to convince him that salmon was GOOD and that scrunching up under the table wasn't going to accomplish anything, but he wouldn't talk to me, and just. Cried.

And then I woke up.

WHAT THE HELL. My brain. Is a scary place.


And! SPEAKING OF JARED! I was fiddling around on IMDB late last night, not ready to go to bed even though it was past 3 AM. Someone had listed an alternate name for Jared which was spelled "Jerred Padalecki". Which just. WHAT? No. AND. Someone had said that he was briefly in the Natalie Imbruglia video "Wrong Impression", which is also BLATANTLY WRONG. Why do people do these things? WHY?

I was also investigating The Christmas Cottage. Guys. Do you realize that writer for The Christmas Cottage has written TWO EPISODES OF "ENTERPRISE", ONE OF "TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL" AND TWO OF "PROVIDENCE"? And that that is IT? I just. WHAT. And the director? Is Michael Campus. Who has not directed a film SINCE 1976. And the ones he did direct? TWO OF THEM WERE BLACKSPLOITATION FLICKS ABOUT PIMPS, GANGS AND THE GHETTO. And the other one? A Sci-Fi movie called Z.P.G. (Zero Population Growth) for which the tagline is "Smog covers the earth. The oxygen is depleted. Love is encouraged. But the penalty for birth is death."

...I cannot even comprehend. What the goddamn hell the producers of this movie were thinking. Clearly, Thomas Kinkade hired these people without realizing that halfway through the film it is going to devolve into a CULT MASTERPIECE of spaceships and afros and and pollution and corrupt cops and lots of gratuitous sex and violence and aliens. I hope. And I am still trying to figure out why Jared and Peter O'Toole and Marcia Gay Harden would POSSIBLY want to attach themselves to this monstrosity.


Speaking of cult masterpieces! I watched Boogie Nights last night, for the first time! I decided that since I cannot get a proper fix of sex industry AUs in fandom, I would seek out movies and books which will scratch that itch for me. And can I just say? I AM INSANE FOR NOT HAVING SEEN THIS MOVIE SOONER. Just. Holy Jesus. It was so funny and slick, and then just. BAM exploded with intensity. SO. INTENSE. And violent and sexy (hnnnrrrr Julianne Moore...) and completely delicious. Plus, I mean. The ending! WHO SAW THAT COMING?! Not me. I was expecting a Hamlet-esque "ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES!" so. Yeah. GENIUS.

The thing is, though, it did not help me get over my obsession. In fact, I am now totally desperate for a Boogie Nights-inspired Jsquared AU. It would be. So beautiful. I don't even know. D: WHY can I not just wave a magic fic wand and have my dreams come true? Or, better yet, why can I not wean myself off this ridiculous NEED for cracked-out AUs?

That is the question. :(

ETA: I'm. I'm SORRY. I HAD TO.

ETA 2: I am actually INCAPABLE. Of stopping with the HYSTERICAL. LAUGHTER. GENIUS.

So, like everyone else in SPN fandom lately, I have been obsessively following spn_secretpost. Although, at the rate things are going, I'ma have to take it off my flist and just pop by the community to read everything, because GOD. SO MANY POSTS. It is CRAZY. Amazing, but CRAZY.

Anyway, I mention this because a while ago there was an ACTUAL PostSecret postcard, on the real non-SPN-affiliated site, which is brilliant and totally fits right in with the theme of the past few days.

( Seriously awesome. Sammy sent it in because he couldn't stop thinking about it at Stanford. )

I managed to get some vid snipping stuff done today, too; I have a rather dauntingly huge project going, and I was WAY behind on it, but I'm catching up now! I meant to write more gayface!Sam, too, but never got around to it. Luckily that was because joosetta and I started working in earnest on the second part of our Massive Fic, so I don't feel TOO guilty. Tomorrow is going to be dedicated to crack, though. And maybe some revision (HAHA YEAH RIGHT).

And shopping. Because I have been inventing extremely amusing meals whilst being too lazy to leave the flat for ten minutes to walk up to Sainsbury's. Although I did have an extremely yummy pasta-and-prawns-with-cheese-and-olive oil/vinegar concoction this evening that I scrounged together. But considering I only have enough instant coffee for, like, one more mug...yeah. Definitely doing a shop tomorrow. :\